Marriage: The Truth

Marriage – a roller coaster ride that is not meant for the weak and requires you to try and try some more. Let me set the scene for you. It was a hot day in Houston, TX, on August 8, 2015, when I married my hubby. We exchanged vows at Notre Dame Catholic Church in front of our beautiful family and friends. Shortly after, we celebrated and danced the night away at the Wortham Theater. It was a day full of magic, love, and fun! It was the best day of our lives because we said “yes” to love. After the beautiful wedding day, it was time to set out on the marriage journey. Not knowing how it would be during the tough times, because there are tough times, we buckled up and took the trip down marriage lane….

Year one through two was nothing but bliss. We were all over each other. We went on multiple dates a week, showed PDA when we went out, prayed together, etc. My hubby worked a rotational schedule, so we got a chance to really miss each other, and our love grew more and more. Now year three was a bit different. Hubby began a position in Houston, TX, and we decided it was time to have a baby! Our Ava bear 🥰 Before marriage, I thought this point of marriage would be just as blissful as the first two, but it was challenging, to be honest. This blog post will focus on how to get through the tough times because year three was tough for us.

Year three consisted of fatigue from being new parents, unrealistic expectations that hubby and I had for one another, minimal romantic dates, stress at work, and arguments about the smallest things. We stopped doing things together, even praying together. It seemed like we were going through the motions, and we were becoming roommates instead of husband and wife. I grew concerned, and I knew that we had to do something about it because I truly loved my husband and wanted our marriage to be successful.

So what do you do when things get to that point?

1. Have a heart to heart with your spouse. Be transparent and real. Respectfully, sit down and talk about the issues and take the time to listen. DO NOT interrupt each other. You have to have self-control. You may not like what you hear but receive it. Do this throughout your marriage because you will change. You may not like or put up with things you did when you were in your marriage’s youthful stage of your marriage. If needed, get counseling. A counselor can help resolve relationship roadblocks before they become impasses. Also, counseling can help promote self-awareness and personal growth.
2. Date again. Dates are “self-care” for your marriage. Take turns planning dates and do something together at least once a week. Whether you watch a movie and snuggle up on the couch or go out and eat at a fancy restaurant, make time for your spouse. This is super key to a successful marriage. Dating helps you learn about your spouse. Trust me, you will learn something new every day! I love affection, and I know that if I don’t get any attention, I will be cranky, lol. So I make it a point to plan a date or remind hubby that it’s his turn to plan something.
3. Ask for help and share tasks, especially when you become a parent. When I had Ava, I tried to do so much on my own, not knowing I was wearing myself out and internally becoming angry with my hubby. In hubby’s defense, he did ask if I needed help, but the superwoman in me told him “no” because I thought I could handle so much on my own and get things done faster. I got to a point where I was burned out. I told hubby that I needed him to step in and help. That gave me time to rest, recharge, and get my sanity back. Ladies, remember, when mommy is not good, nobody is good!
4. Arrange time to hang out with your friends or go on girl trips. Yes, your spouse is your best friend, but your spouse can’t be your only friend. Research shows that strong social ties improve your lifespan by as much as 22%. The point is that time with your friends allows you to have a temporary escape and develop friendships with people who share similar interests. When you spend time with your friends, you’re creating the opportunity to learn, grow, and evolve. It allows you to have a chance to laugh, cry, and memories that will revive you. It’s time away from your spouse that makes you miss them and keep the flame burning. In addition, schedule me time. Pick a hobby that you can do solo or enjoy a spa day. Take the time needed to press the reset button and come home refreshed.
5. Lastly, pray together. I think in year three, this is where hubby and I really messed up. When you take that third cord out of the marriage equation, everything will fall apart. It’s crucial to be vulnerable with God as a couple and pray for your marriage’s success, for your family, and your goals. Praying together helps you show and receive trust that strengthens the bonds of intimacy in your relationship. It’s amazing to see the prayers that were answered together and thank God.

One more tip; for my single folks, I strongly suggest premarital counseling and learning your significant other’s love language. Hubby and I had premarital counseling, but we did not know each other’s love language. In year four, I learned that hubby’s love language is acts of service, and mine is words of affirmation. I’m telling you, if we had discovered this before getting married, we probably wouldn’t have had as many “intense debates,” lol. Click here, take the quiz, and find out what your spouse and your love language is.

Hubby and I are now 5+ years into our marriage, and we are doing great! Marriage is challenging work, but it’s so worth it. Effectively communicate, love on each other, pray together, and indulge in self-care/time spent with friends.

So what do you think? Married folks, can you relate to this post? Are you single and learned something new about marriage? Let me know in the comments below! I would love to read your tips about a successful marriage or relationship.